Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Don't ask me to donate to breast cancer

because I definitely will.

It seems that Vons is always taking donations for one type of cancer or another, and since they don't seem to have a sense of humor about it (apparently prostate cancer isn't funny? nobody told me) I have opted to solemnly donate, as if a family member or loved one might have it and I am desperate for a cure.

The truth is, I am guilted in to donating. What if my five dollars pushes the research over the edge and a cure is discovered tomorrow? Well, then I better donate because I could be saving millions of lives. Or the alternative is when they are delivering the money sacks to the cancer labs, my five dollars flies out the back of the truck, maybe picked up by some kid to buy lollipops and boogers. Either way, five bucks doesn't hurt me, and could help save untold strangers (with breasts), unless...
What if breast cancer is a jerk? Breast cancer is clinically proven to be the sneakiest of all cancers. Seriously, what do you know about breast cancer? For all I know breast cancer could have a drug problem, and this five dollars I'm donating could be indirectly funding a new Cuban terrorist patrol boat. Five bucks may not seem like a lot, but in Africa you can buy 60 slave children for that much. That's definitely something to think about.

Anyway, that is all out of my hands now. Breast cancer, you have my money, what are you going to do with it?